Overcoming Fear of Sex, Painful Sex, and Endometriosis

03/07/2025

Ask Dr. Janelle: No Shame, No Secrets—Just Real Answers

Welcome to the first edition of "Ask Dr. Janelle," where we strip away the shame, ditch the taboos, and talk about things no one else will. If you've ever felt too embarrassed to ask your doctor (or even your best friend) about what's going on with your body, you're in the right place.

Here's how it works: My email subscribers send me their deepest, most unfiltered questions, and I give them the raw, real, and expert-backed answers they deserve. No judgment. No sugarcoating. Just solutions, delivered with a little bit of sass and a lot of love.

Let's get into it.

"I've Been Married for Two Years, but I Haven't Had Sex Because I'm Afraid It Will Hurt. Please Help."

First off, I need you to take a deep breath and know this: You are NOT broken. Fear of pain during sex is so common, and trust me, you are not alone in this. But let's be real—this fear has been running the show for two years. That's a long time to let it call the shots.

Painful sex (or the fear of it) is often tied to vaginismus—a fancy medical term that means your pelvic floor muscles have gone into full-blown defense mode. Your body is reacting like penetration is a threat, even when you want to have sex. And when fear, pelvic floor tightness, and anxiety are in the driver's seat, they create an awful loop of pain, tension, and avoidance.

Here's what we're NOT gonna do:

Ignore this and hope it magically gets better.
Push through the pain.
Blame yourself or feel guilty.

This is what we ARE going to do for fear of pain with sex:

Start with relaxation techniques. Deep belly breathing. Full-body relaxation. Your vagina needs to feel safe before it even thinks about opening up.
Explore yourself first. Before you even think about penetration, get comfortable touching yourself. If that feels too scary, start by gently pressing on the outside of your vagina to build tolerance.
Work with dilators (if you can get them). Start small and let your body adjust without pressure.
Lube is your best friend. Get yourself a good water-based or silicone-based lubricant. More is MORE.
Allow yourself to take it slow. You don't have to be "fixed" overnight, but you do have to start somewhere.

You don't need a big budget to begin your healing journey. You just need the right approach. And guess what? You're already on your way. Keep going.

"I'm 27, and I Have Hidradenitis Suppurativa and Endometriosis. Sex Is Painful. How Do I Fix This?"

Girl. I hear you. You're dealing with two painful conditions that impact your body, confidence, and pleasure. That is A LOT. But it's not impossible to reclaim your body and your sex life.

Let's break it down:

Hidradenitis Suppurativa (HS): Chronic skin inflammation, painful lumps, and scarring can make it really hard to feel comfortable and confident—especially with a partner. You may be avoiding certain positions or types of touch out of fear of triggering pain.
Endometriosis: This one's a beast. The sharp, stabbing pain during arousal and sex is because your pelvic muscles are already in a heightened pain state. Your body is tensing before penetration even happens, making it nearly impossible to relax.

Here's what you can do NOW:

Work with a pelvic floor physical therapist if you can, who has additional experience or training in sexual dysfunction. (If you do NOTHING else, do this.) A pelvic PT who is experienced with treating painful sex can teach you how to retrain your muscles so they stop clenching in anticipation of pain.
Heat Therapy Before Sex. A warm compress on your lower belly or between your thighs before intimacy can loosen tension and increase circulation.
Relearn Your Pleasure Pathways. If penetration is painful, take it off the table for now. Explore clitoral stimulation, oral, hands, toys—whatever makes your body feel GOOD without triggering pain.
Positions That Work For You. Being on top gives you control over depth and movement. Side-lying positions can reduce pressure. Lube is nonnegotiable.

This isn't about "fixing" yourself; it's about reclaiming pleasure on your terms. And that, my friend, is 100% possible.

"I'm Using Dilators, but I'm Stuck at Size 5. How Do I Move Forward?"

First, I need you to stop treating this like a frustrating homework assignment. Your body is not the problem. The problem is how you're approaching the process.

Why You Might Be Stuck:

You're rushing. Progress isn't linear. Your body needs time to adjust.
You're tense. If your brain is thinking "hurry up and get this over with," your vagina will respond by slamming shut.
You're lacking arousal. Your body doesn't just need "stretching"—it needs stimulation.

How to Break Through the Plateau:

Permit yourself to slow down. Spend more time with each dilator size. If you feel any resistance, take a deep breath and focus on relaxation.
Add pleasure. Listen, your vagina isn't a passive tunnel—it's designed for sensation. Try introducing vibration, warm compresses, or gentle circular movements.
Instead of stressing about pushing past this size, visualize your body naturally relaxing and opening comfortably. Your mind is powerful.
Start with manual touch. Before using a dilator, gently explore with your fingers to familiarize yourself with the sensation and build comfort.

You're so close to that next step—don't let frustration take you out of the game. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Stay consistent, and you will get there.

Want Real, Lasting Healing? We Can Help You Get You There In An Average of 12 Weeks or Less

If you're tired of dealing with painful sex, fear, and frustration, I've got something that will change everything.

Inside my signature coaching program, we teach you exactly how to heal and experience pain-free, pleasurable sex—without shame, without fear, and without waiting years for results.

This is the same framework that has helped thousands of women reclaim their confidence, reconnect with their bodies, and finally experience intimacy without pain. And guess what? It's structured to deliver results in 12 weeks or less, on average.

You do not have to live like this. You do not have to "just deal with it." There is a proven way forward, and I'll walk you through it step by step.

Spots are limited. If you're ready to start healing, let's do this together.

Click here to learn more and join the program.

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See you next month, my fearless, pleasure-seeking queens!