Sexual Shame on Valentine's Day?

Managing Sexual Shame on Valentine's Day and the Pleasure You've Been Missing

Valentine's Day is supposed to be about love, connection, and intimacy—but for many women, it's also a day that brings up something we don't talk about enough: shame.

Shame about your body not "working." Shame about avoiding intimacy with your partner. Shame about not wanting sex because deep down, you know it's going to hurt. Shame because you feel it's taking you forever to cure your vaginismus. 

The Silent Weight of Shame

Shame is sneaky. It sits in the background of our lives, shaping our thoughts, limiting our actions, and keeping us stuck in silence. It convinces us that our struggles are our fault, that something is wrong with us, that we are alone in our pain.

But let me be clear: shame is a liar.

You are not broken. You are not failing as a partner. You are not "bad at sex" or "not into it."

Painful sex, pelvic floor tightness, fear of penetration—these are not signs of failure. They are signs that your pelvic floor needs healing, not that something is wrong with you as a person.

Why Shame Keeps Women Stuck

Here's the thing about shame—it thrives in secrecy. The less we talk about it, the more power it has over us. Women often struggle in silence for years, convinced that their pain is something to be endured rather than addressed. Many don't even realize that their pain is treatable because shame has kept them from seeking answers.

For some, it starts with a painful first experience. For others, it's years of avoiding intimacy, dreading pelvic exams, or feeling disconnected from their bodies. The common thread? They don't talk about it. Because talking about it feels like admitting something is wrong with them.

But that couldn't be further from the truth. Healing is possible.

How Shame Impacts Your Healing Journey

Shame doesn't just affect your emotions—it impacts your physical healing too. Studies show that stress, anxiety, and shame increase pelvic floor tension, making pain worse over time. The brain-body connection is real, and when we feel shame, our muscles tighten, our nervous system goes into high alert, and healing becomes even harder.

Breaking free from shame isn't just about feeling better emotionally—it's about creating the space for your body to heal.

It's Time to Release the Shame

This Valentine's Day, instead of sitting in shame, let's do something different.

Let's take your body back. Let's release the fear. Let's reclaim the pleasure you were always meant to have.

The first step? Talking about it. Acknowledging that your pain is real, that it matters, and that you deserve support. Healing starts the moment you decide that you are worthy of feeling good in your body.

You don't have to do this alone, and you don't have to settle for a life of pain, frustration, or fear. Your body was designed for pleasure, and you deserve to experience it without shame standing in the way.

About Dr. Janelle Frederick

Dr. Janelle Frederick (previously Janelle Howell), also known as the Vagina Rehab Doctor, is a licensed pelvic floor physical therapist specializing in sexual dysfunction and pelvic pain. She has helped thousands of women heal, and reclaim their confidence, comfort, and intimacy through her unique, empowering approach. If you're ready to take the next step in your healing journey, set up a private consultation with her to start your healing journey.